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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26611474">Per Cent'Anni</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyGhost/pseuds/ButterflyGhost'>ButterflyGhost</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Shadow of the Bookman [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>due South</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Birthday, Family Secrets, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:06:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>756</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26611474</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyGhost/pseuds/ButterflyGhost</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff"><p>If you want to know why Ray doesn't celebrate his birthday in my 'verse you have to read Shadow of the Bookman!</p><p>But Ray will be fine. Promise. He has people who love him.</p><p>(This was written at the last minute, so apologies for any spelling mistakes.)</p></div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Shadow of the Bookman [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/30073</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Ray Vecchio Day 2020!</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Per Cent'Anni</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ray's up early. He's sitting at the kitchen table not eating anything, just looking out the window. Since he came back from Vegas he's either up at the crack of dawn or in bed all day. He doesn't sleep well anymore, but it's early days yet. He's doing better than when he first got back, so there is that.</p><p>I remember what Ma said and don't wish him happy birthday, even though it feels wrong. I don't know why it bothers him, but she told everyone, so it must be important. Maybe one day I'll figure it out. Maybe one day they'll tell me.</p><p>Ray looks up as I come into the kitchen and gives me a smile - it actually reaches his eyes, although there are shadows under them. He's just out of the hospital, so he's still pleased to see me. Hasn't remembered yet that I drive him up the wall. 'Hey, Sis.'</p><p>'Hey.' I grin and give into the urge to rub his scalp, scratch the bristle at the back which is all he has left of his once glorious mop. Twenty years ago I would have been pulling his hair for luck. I pat his head instead.</p><p>'You know that's why I'm bald, don't you?' His voice is mild and amused, his eyes a little spaced out, so I reckon he's still on some heavy duty painkillers. 'You and your obsession with my hair. How did that start anyway?'</p><p>'Jealousy,' I say, and stick my tongue out. 'You had great hair.' He laughs, but doesn't say anything. Keeps staring out the window.</p><p>'What are you looking at?'</p><p>'Hmm?'</p><p>'You're staring out the window like it's a big screen TV.'</p><p>'Oh.' He blinks. 'Just the garden.'</p><p>I look out at it. It rained last night and the sun is gleaming through the rain beads on the grass, picking out rainbow patterns on the spider web at the window.</p><p>'Yeah? It's pretty this morning.'</p><p>'Yeah.' He smiles again, a little sad this time, wistful, still staring out the glass. 'It's like I was gone a hundred years. Everything else changed. That's still the same at least.'</p><p>I pause. Of course everything changed for him. I hadn't really thought about it - after the fire we had the house remodeled with the insurance, new furniture, everything. It must be weird.</p><p>'Well,' I try to cheer him up. 'I didn't change.'</p><p>He turns his eyes on me and I nearly flinch. They're focussed on me like a sudden beam and he's looking right at me, like I'm the only thing in the room. It's terrifying, being seen like that. People don't normally look at you like - well - that. Not with one hundred percent attention anyway. The moment passes. He smiles and the intensity drops. 'Nah, Franny. You did change.' He puts a hand flat on the table and heaves himself up. Drops a surprising kiss on my forehead. 'You grew up.'</p><p>'Is that a good thing?' I ask, confused by whatever it was that just happened.</p><p>'Yeah,' he says, and his voice is warm. 'Sit,' he says. 'I'll do breakfast.'</p><p>'Okay,' I say doubtfully, and sit. He likes to cook, but these days he's more of a toast and coffee man at breakfast.</p><p>He seems happy enough though, frying up bacon, whipping up batter for pancakes. He does a mean pancake. By the time the rest of the family comes down the kitchen smells like heaven. He gives Ma a hug when she comes in, and a coffee, and a stacked pancake platter steaming with sweetness. He kisses her cheek, and then - a <em>look</em> passes between them. I don't know what to make of it. Sad? Knowing? Resigned? It's there and gone again, too swift to read. Not sure I know that language anyway. Ray rests his hand on Ma's cheek for a minute, then turns away, back to the breakfast table, talking shit and busting chops and bustling food in front of everyone with a mouth.</p><p>I think about that moment. Where Ma looked at him with what, grief? Apology? And he looked at her with... I dunno. Maybe sorrow. Compassion. Understanding. Ah, who knows? I don't get it.</p><p>Still, whatever else is going on, this birthday that we're not celebrating, I am glad to see him up. The kids are happy stuffing their faces, Ma is happy. I'm happy. Ray's happy.</p><p>And if there's a shadow in the room, we can ignore it. We always have.</p><p>We just need to remember to keep on the light.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you want to know why Ray doesn't celebrate his birthday in my 'verse you have to read Shadow of the Bookman!</p><p>But Ray will be fine. Promise. He has people who love him.</p><p>(This was written at the last minute, so apologies for any spelling mistakes.)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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